We find gay people interesting. And, to a great extent, amusing. Remember what we said last time? Anything out of the ordinary? Well, this definitely falls into that category, trust me. If that makes you uncomfortable, oh, well. We’re not here for your comfort; we are here to inform you. Now, do you want to know about the Black community, or what?
All right, then. Leave your politically correct attitude @ the door; we don’t play that here.
Let’s start with the “down-lo” brother, or, equally correct, the “brother on the down-lo.” This is the closeted bisexual, who lives a normal life as a straight man, usually with a wife or girlfriend(s), but has secret relationships with other bi or gay male(s). Don’t let the word “secret” fool you. It doesn’t necessarily mean “unknown,” but it must mean “discreet.” His gay behavior can range from spending his weekends or a certain day of the week immersing himself in hit-it-and-quit-it relationships, all the way up to an exclusive relationship with another down-lo brother, who will be seen publicly as a best friend or comrade. Some people who know him well may be aware of his down-lo status, but never his wife or girlfriend.
The key word here is “lo.” He can’t flaunt his gayness, he must always appear masculine. I know, gay does not necessarily mean unmasculine. I’m aware of that. But, with us, appearance is important, and to the wife/girlfriend of the down-lo brother, he must appear to be straight, especially in public. Even more so if she’s unaware that he’s bi. There is nothing, nothing more humiliating to a Black woman to find out her man is cheating on her with another man.
Some of you don’t believe me, but I’m serious.
I’ve been married for over twenty years, and I have never cheated on my wife. If I ever did, depending upon who the woman was, and the conditions surrounding my infidelity, I might be able to remain married to her.
But sleep with a man?
We’d be the lead story on the 10:00 news:
“Local woman arrested today for attempted second-degree murder, after shooting her husband twelve times in the behind, pouring bleach on his entire wardrobe, then setting his car on fire…”
Seriously. And, at the trial, the D.A. better not allow any Black females on the jury, either. I can see the post-trial interview now:
“Moneshia Johnson, you were the lone hold-out on the jury. You kept them deliberating for three days, until they saw it your way. The defendant admitted to shooting the man twelve times, still you refused to find her guilty. Any comments?”
“Humph!” (when a Black woman starts a sentence with “Humph!” look out…)
“She caught him sleeping with a man? She let him off easy, far as I’m concerned! That would’a been me, his azz would still be smokin’… Yada—yada—yada…”
You get the idea.
Now, how does the down-lo brother arrange for his tête-à-tête? Usually, he has a hobby or club activity set/scheduled on a certain day, something his woman can’t/doesn’t participate in, but won’t arouse suspicion, like a chess club, or poker night with the boys, Monday Night Football, anything where he is expected to come in late. He goes out, does his thing, and comes back in, and everything is cool. All of the other parts of his life are normal, including his sex life with his woman. That’s important, because any deviation from the norm invites suspicion. Not only that, but if somebody would be so uncool as to try to pull his wife’s coat, it’s his best defense against accusation. I mean, if he’s tapping her four, five times a week, it would be hard for somebody to make her even listen to the possibility he was on the down-lo in the first place.
(Yes, four or five is an acceptable average. Not Shaft-level, but acceptable. No wonder Blondie’s wearing braids now. She has discovered the Brother Lode.)
Black men who successfully live this lifestyle have a certain level of respect by those who know their secret, due to their ability to keep it all together. Standing rule in the Black community: no matter what you’re into, whether it be legitimate enterprise or mass murder, handle your business. Or, as we say in the South, hannel yo’ bitness….
More later!
African-American Culture 101 