Welcome, Class!
I’ve posted this before in The Daily Advertiser, but I want the newbies to get up to speed, okay? Besides, some of you walked in late. As for YOU…
Congratulations! You’re learning Black Culture already!
Black Rule Number One?
Never arrive on time.
Makes you look needy, weak, and, well…White!
Ha!
Oh, be quiet!
What you’re getting from me today is basically a conversation I have held on many occasions with my friends, neighbors, and kinfolk, mostly Black, with a few Jews and Asians sprinkled in, kinda like oregano…
No, wait, that’s Italian….
Let’s see…sea salt and ginger???
Yeah, that’s it!
Now, I must warn you, it’s a slightly different conversation when White folks are sitting in.
Well, it is!
When a White boy is sitting in, there are some topics that just don’t come up, until and unless he is familiar enough to everybody there. Even with that, there are some words he better not say.
(One day I’ll explain why it’s marginally okay for Black people to use the so-called “n-word”, and Whites can’t. Actually, the “n-word”, for many of us, is already no longer in use and to tell the truth, it would have been banished into the Crypt of the Unspoken, had it not been for liberal White folks telling us we shouldn’t/couldn’t use it. You called us that for centuries, and some of you hard-core neocons still use it, but all of a sudden you get a bolus injection of social conscience, and you get to decide that it’s now verboten? Screw you, it’s not your call.)
But, fortunately, I’ve never had that problem with the friends I kick it with. I think it’s because of my age and temperament; the people I hang with are either approaching my level of maturity, or have already achieved it, and many of our issues are already resolved. We have a live-and-let-live outlook on life, because we realize that life’s too short to waste time and energy butting heads with people. Just live, learn, and enjoy your time on terra firma, or, as my Uncle Alfred called it, “Earf.”
In our community, there are several categories of weird people, all of whom we find interesting and amusing.
Don’t get mad at that, interesting and amusing is a good thing, it’s a vital component to being accepted.
Everybody’s known for something interesting and/or amusing, and, with us, anything not considered the norm is fair game for discussion and commentary.
When I say anything, I mean anything!
Physical attributes, emotional conditions, family issues, anything out of the norm can and will be talked about. We use a phrase, “keeping it real,” that describes this mindset: if you can’t be open and honest about any topic, shut the hell up while the grown folks talk. And, if a subject is too sensitive for you, we will condition you to the point where it doesn’t bother you to talk freely about it.
This is not mean or cruel. It’s part of our culture, where life’s a B, and only the strong survive. From the slave ship to the cotton fields, a weak slave was a dead slave. Massa’s whip was not politically correct. We’re a tough people, so if you want to hang in here, get used to it.
Okay?
I’ll tell you more…Thursday, maybe.
I’m a Black man. You can’t depend on me to be when or where I say I’ll be. Don’t worry, you’ll learn soon enough….
Ha!
African-American Culture 101 