How to Get a Man To Fall Head-Over-Heels In Love With YOU!!!

I, Matlock 61, HNIC, Grand Poo-Bah of All Things Virile, make it a habit to frequent other blogs, in an attempt to mine their wit/wisdom, and, more importantly, to see what is on White People’s collective minds.

One really, REALLY good place for this is the Ask A Manager Blog

http://www.askamanager.org/

Ms. Alison Green runs it with an supple leather fist. She’s straightforward, and I lean a lot by reading her stuff.

One of her peeps, poor thing, expressed a desire to meet The One. Or, something like that.

It really touched me, right here (motions to NW quadrant of chest), and I realized that there are scores of females who are looking for The One.

So……

 

I, Matlock 61, Grand Pooh Bah of all Things Virile and Testosterone-Soaked, will perform a Public Service!

I will reveal the secret to Getting a Man To Fall Head-Over-Heels In Luv With You!

 

Yes, YOU! You can be loved, “til Death Do You Part” (Or Legally Separate)

 

But, I hear you say plaintively, “How, Dr. M???”

 

Step One: Get the plaintive out of your voice! Desperation to a man is like insect repellent; it runs us off!

Act like you got 100 mo’fo’s line up, just drooling for a chance @ your phone number!

 

Step 2–Dress like you got some dignity, please! We do not want to see your breasts on a first date!

Remember, for a man, there are two kinds of women: women you play with, and women you stay with!

Put that short skirt on, and that titty-huggin’ top on, and it instantly transforms you into a Woman to be Played With. Like a tennis raquet, or a golf club, to be used and enjoyed, and put up for safekeeping, for the next time for fun and games.

No Future There!

 

Dress with dignity and class, and you transform yourself into a Woman to Stay with. The kind that gets introduced to Momma.

 

Trick 3: Insist on first-class treatment. Expect doors to be opened, expect dinner to be paid for. He must be made to pay for the pleasure of your company, not the other way around. He’s not the prize, you are.

 

Keep your drawers on, and your feet on the floor. Make him  commit, and limit your conversations about sex.

 

Flies in the face of conventional wisdom, don’t it?

 

What you must understand is that men are hunters. They are after game. The harder it is ti obtain a prize, the more valuable it is.

Salami is common–you can go to the gas station and purchase some. Diamonds, however, have to be purchased at select stores. Piggly-Wiggly don’t sell diamonds, do they? So, don’t be available and common–be difficult to find and pursue.

 

And, finally, if you want a c-a-r-a-t, you better know what to do with a c-a-r-r-o-t! And a p-o-t-a-t-o! And a s-t-e-a-k!

Get the picture???

 

Ha!

 

 

 

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7 responses to this post.

  1. Ha! I never thought of Alison as one of the arbiters of What White People Think!

    Reply

    • “…Ms. Alison Green runs it with an supple leather fist….”

      I rather liked that particular phrase, it’s so accurate, without being insulting!

      But, yes, Miz Allison is one of many AWWPT. Once a White blogger hits 2500 readers, it’s automatically bestowed upon them.

      Black bloggers, on the other hand, as far as WP are concerned, hit Arbiter of What Black People Think status as soon as our blogsite hits the Web!

      Why is that, pray tell?

      It’s rather simple, and touching at the same time. WP make the rather amusing assumption that all BP think alike, so, therefore, any expression by one constitutes the Black groupthink. It’s a vestige from slavery, where Massa asked Head Cook what was going on in the field, and eagerly accepted her answer as gospel, never mind that HC juuuust might have her own personal axe to grind, for example, that her nephew Big Willy was planning a run for the border, which was why him singing “Steal Away to Jesus” had nothing to do with Jesus or stealing….

      We prefer it that way, FYI. Anything that serves to confuse WP is instantly and automatically accepted in the Lexicon of Black Culture (LBC).

      Just so you know….

      Ha!

      Reply

      • I’ve wondered about that – certain black people are often quoted in the press and implicitly held up as “This is what Black People Think.” I grew up on military bases and had black friends who had their own opinions. I’ve always wondered if BP might not get a little cranky that they are supposed to hold certain views just because they are BP.

        At the same time, I will want to ask my black friends about certain things, but don’t want them to think that I think that all BP think alike, but then I realize that asking what the kitchen is in reference to hair is not a “What all BP think” questions.

        Reply

  2. Asking a Black woman about her kitchen?

    (muffled snicker…)

    Why, er, yes, that’s a good idea! Tell her, “My, your kitchen is rolled up nice and tight today! What is your secret?”

    Please do that, and report back!!!

    Ha!

    Reply

    • No! I just asked what a kitchen was! Not about her kitchen. 🙂 I have been informed by reliable sources (Chris Rock, Rev Al Sharpton) I am not to mess with a Black woman’s hair.

      Reply

      • 25 million Black people in America……and you pick Chris Rock and Al Sharpton as “reliable sources”???

        Sigh.

        My point exactly.

        But, I give you credit, you ARE trying your best to understand. So, in the spirit of bridging the gap between the races…

        Reply

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