A few Thoughts About Black Women (A Few Is All You Need, Trust Me)

After centuries of study and research, wise men have discovered that we men are in the habit of using our ears to listen/evaluate a conversation. But Black Women?

Black Women use all their senses in conversation, including a few that we are unaware of. Which is why men get totally confused when we converse with our wives. They pick up on not only what we say, but our body position, how we smell, what we said last week, how quickly we answered the phone when our mother called, how we smiled at the check-out girl in the grocery store, which pant leg we put on first…shall I continue?

And then, they condense all of this stimuli/data/information, whether real or perceived, and boil it down to one question: “What you tryin’ to say? Huh? What you tryin’ to say?”

(Yes, I know that’s 3 questions. Don’t quibble.)

So, it is important to be aware of your facial expression, which is one of the things your wife will be paying attention to during one of the few opportunities you have to actually participate in a conversation with her, other than nodding, handing her tissue, and ducking blows, so make sure you have your face under control. My new book, Matlock’s Complete Guide To Masculine Facial Expression, is a must-read for dominance and control.

Of your facial expression, of course.

Did you actually think I meant dominance and control of her?

In your dreams, Rookie. Did you ever dominate and control your mother?

Ever dominate a female boss?

Any female you weren’t paying to dominate and control?

I rest my case.


The shift  of facial expression from Sincere Empathy to Thoughtful Contemplation causes two thoughts to occur in the mind of your wife.

Thought #1 is: He understands how I feel!

Thought #2 is: He’s telling me what’s on his mind!

Number One will result in a response of “Oooohhhhh!”

Number Two will result in a response of “Ahhhh!”

The “Oooohhhhh-Ahhhh Response”,  is also known as “The Bra Snapper”! Woo-hoo!

Yes, sir, this response will get your index finger in The Plain of Possibility, where skill and dexterity might, I repeat, might, get you in The Valley of Decision. Proceed carefully!

The “Oooohhhhh-Ahhhh Response” induces temporary amnesia in the mind of your wife, in that, for a few moments, she has forgotten that she was upset with you, and now she sees you as a romantic figure.

Warning: Don’t get caught up in the moment!

Remember, that Lifetime Movie of the Week was for her emotional entertainment, not yours! Make it quick, and keep it simple!

For example, one of my buddies, Dave is his name, made the mistake of actually, get this, weeping during a Lifetime Movie.

Yes, weeping!

To be continued…


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