Archive for April, 2013

Welcome, Part 6



Anyway, Category 3 is the Gay dude, commonly referred to as “the punk”.  Out of the closet, and everybody knows it. Their motto is, “aint no shame in my game!” It’s a philosophy, a take-me-as-I am mentality that is defiant of our culture’s rules concerning manhood.

We really find it confusing, irritating, and annoying, (as well as hilarious), both as Black people and straight men. Our basic premise is: given a choice between feminine lips, breasts, thighs, and buttocks, not to mention Beulah Land, why would you want to lay up with something hairy and hard?

Makes me shiver just to think about it.

The gay dude is what we call “out there,” openly flamboyant in manner and dress. It’s funny, (strange funny, I mean), when we as Black people get into something, we go all out. You are much more likely to see a Black gay dude act and behave in a stereotypical manner than a White dude.

I’ve know some gay Whites whom, if somebody hadn’t told me, I would’ve never known they were gay. And it’s not that they’re trying to hide it or anything, oh, no. They are what they are, and they are comfortable with it. But it seems to me that Black gay men are more likely to feel a need to express their gayness in a way that leaves no doubt as to what they are, like if there’s a question about it, they’re not being “gay enough.”

Forgive me, I’m just trying to relate to you what I have observed. They remind me of people who are really into a hobby or fervent member of a particular organization or a fan club. They wear the T-shirts, they got 500 bumper stickers on their car, and our response to them is “Dude! We get it!” It’s the same with the Black flaming gay guy: “Cuz! We know! Stop with the cross-finger snaps, okay?”

Honestly, our reaction to the openly gay dude ranges from amusement to annoyance to downright hostility. I fall somewhere in the amusement/mild annoyance crowd, depending upon how they approach me. If they’re cool with it, not caring if I am accepting of the whole gay thing, then fine. I can be down with them, long as the lines are clear.

Pushy gays bug the hell out of me. Pushy people, in general, bug the hell out of me.

I’m going to say something here that will give you an idea of how deep-rooted our poor understanding of the gay lifestyle really is. There is a perception, that runs really, really deep with us, that homosexuality in the Black community?

That’s something we learned from White people.

Stop yelling; I said it’s a perception, not a fact. I used to believe it myself; I filed it under the Things We Picked Up with Integration. Then I found out that in some African cultures, gay men are considered outcasts, and even go so far as to separate themselves from the main group, and live in their own section of their village. Even in the Bible, when you read the Kings and Chronicles, the gay men had their own separate sections within their cities. One of the things that a new king would do as a part of religious reforms would be to “break down the houses of the sodomites.” Homosexuality has always been around, it was intellectually lazy on our part to blame White people for it.


I think.


There are some things that are your fault, though.

Tofu, for one.

Country line dancing, for another.

Organized, unified spastic movements in a perfectly straight line is not cute.

U.S. drug laws, for another. Cocaine was nice, cheap, and legal in this country, a common ingredient in many over-the-counter medicines, until some good ol’ boy came up with the notion that cocaine was causing Black men to rape White women. “Oh-oh, we need to pass a law…” and there you go. Coke prices shot straight up, and crack came along as a marketing solution to the problem.

Gee, thanks, Bubba.

There’s a guy I know, good, strong family man, whose son is gay. You know the drill: son hid it for years, while his father encouraged sports, and other activities to “make a man out of him.” His parents made good money, and put him into a predominately White private school, where he finally came out of the closet.

Well, that’s when the diaper hit the fan.

Some of you can relate, I’m sure. Dad hit the proverbial roof, Mom blamed Dad, said he “pushed Junior too hard.” Some of you are nodding your heads, you’ve been there. (You know, the more I write and read your responses, I realize that we two peoples are more alike than we really realize.) To this day, Dad blames “that effin’ school with them freaky-azz White folks” for his son’s lifestyle. I could tell him the truth, that boy been gay…

One of the reasons why I chose this topic is because I want to encourage feedback from gay people in order to help us understand where you’re coming from.


That ought to be fun, eh?

We’re not trying to make fun of you, trust me, but you guys can feel free to make fun of us. Should make for interesting discussion.

What is the gay groupthink?

Inquiring minds want to know!




Welcome, Part 5


Now, I don’t mean no harm…(Warning: when a Black person starts a sentence like that, especially an elderly Black person, prepare to get your feelings hurt.)…I really don’t mean no harm, but for my White gay friends reading this:

We really don’t consider a bisexual truly gay.

I’m serious.

I should have placed the bisexual brother at number one, and put the down-lo at number two. I was trying to be sensitive towards you. I know you claim the bisexual as one of your own, and that’s cool. But you’re hanging with us now, so I’m gonna treat you on the straight-up.

(“Straight up” has nothing to do with sexuality, it just means “fairly and honestly.” Stop being sensitive! Geez!!!)

We believe that Bisexuals, even after all you have told us, aren’t really gay.


Go ahead, rail away….

See what I get for building a bridge between cultures?


Okay, look, this is just one of those things we’ll have to save for another conversation, after we’ve settled a few more basic things, like: why do White people think Jimmy “J.J.” Walker was funny?

“Dy-no-mite!” was downright embarrassing.

We were really, really upset when John Amos got killed off the show. When Esther Rolle said “Damn! Damn! Damn!!!” we felt exactly the same way.

Poor John Amos. From James Evans to Kunta Kinte…now he’s Charlie Harper’s girlfriend’s daddy’s lover….

Damn! Damn! Damn!