Gay Marriage????

(First posted in 2011)


Is gay marriage Constitutional?

Right now, a majority of Americans don’t believe that it is.

Plain and simple as that.

Change the number of Americans who believe in gay marriage, and Jim and Bob can become husband &……uh…… (insert politically correct, socially acceptable word here.)

Wait! Hold on a minute!

If you want to get married, there has to be a word to define and identify the partners.

My wife is my wife. Get it?

Yeah, she’s my partner, but there’s a gender-specific word to describe her.

Come on gay people, get with it!

You’ve succeeded in getting “homophobic” in the American Lexicon, now come up with a term to describe the two people in a gay partnership, other than “partner.” That’s so lazy!

Now, let’s look @ the Big C for a minute. Is there a place for the GLBT community to hang their hat, feathers and all?

Of course there is, and some of you have already seen/acted upon it. It’s Article X, which states:

“The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.”

That’s clear enough, is it not? It’s already a reality in a number of states, as the G-forces mobilize their members to get off their butts and do the hard and dirty work to get what you want. (“Hard?” “Dirty?” Ha!)

Now, as far as Black folks are concerned, it’s pass the popcorn and watch the show. Nothing personal, it’s just a every-man-for-himself-devil-catch-the-slowest mindset that’s inherent in our culture.

When you guys get your schit together, and get a bill started in your state Legislature, or a state Constitutional amendment, and it comes up for a vote, and it passes (in spite of my “no” vote…isn’t that ironic? Here in Louisiana, deep in the heart of Dixie, I, a Black man, can vote “no” to something a White man wants. As Don King likes to say, “Only in America!”), you will have won.

Legislative protection is one thing, acceptance is another.

Hey, don’t get mad.

A frank discussion that identifies the issues pertinent to you is a good thing. If I’m going to dialogue with you as a member of the Christian community, let’s not waste words chatting about irrelevancies. I only chat about fluff with people I don’t respect.

As far as acceptance goes, you won’t have a problem with the Black community, as far as being gay is concerned. Can I be honest?

It’s your White-ness that gives us a bit of trouble.

If you and Nathan move next door to us, well, let me give you a taste of the conversation:

Me: “You seen the new people movin’ in?”

Wife: “Yeah, I’ve seen ‘em” (arches eyebrow) “Have you seen ‘em?”

Me: “Mm-hmm!

(Male Blackspeak for, “Yes, I’ve seen them, two gay White males, upper middle class, respectable-looking, one of them needs a shave. I wonder if more White people are planning to move in this neighborhood. If so, our property values are probably going to go up, unless one of them pulls a trailer up in here. You know White people, they love them double-wides. I don’t think we’ll have any trouble with these two, however. They look cool enough. I might barbecue a little sump’um-sump’in, and bring it over, check ‘em out.”)

Wife: “Okay…humph!

(Female Blackspeak for, “Don’t put too much pepper on the meat, you know White people, they don’t season their food. I’ve seen ‘em, too, they look kinda cute. I wonder if they really sho ‘nuff gay, or they just dabblin’ like my Cousin Willy. You know him, he just gay on Monday, Wednesday, and every other Friday. He got that girl on Fourth Street pregnant, but she blamin’ it on her boyfriend, the nasty heifer, she don’t know who that baby for. When you go over there with the barbecue, let me know, I’ll go with you, give me a chance to check out their house, get me some decoratin’ ideas…I wonder what color their curtains are, you know White people, they shop from a different catalogue than us…”)

Me: “Hmmm.”

(Blackspeak for,” I wonder if I got some charcoal?”)

Wait a minute, this isn’t Blackspeak, it’s Old Married Couplespeak. I forgot, we’re bilingual.


Daughter: “That tall one is fly! I’m going with you, before Tanisha spots him. I wonder if he can dance. Probably not, you know White people, left…right…left…right, oops!”

Me: “Take Tanisha with you, use her for a decoy.”

Daughter: (rolling her eyes) “No, Daddy, let me handle this. I aint using Tanisha as no decoy, I take her with me, she’ll mess up the play. When you gonna light the pit? I wouldn’t mind seeing them White boys faces when you fire that Old Smokey up. You know White people, they don’t barbecue, they grill on the Barbie!

Me: (raising eyebrows) “You roll your eyes at me again, gal, I’ll slap ‘em on them White boys porch! See, them White people aint been here one week, and they already starting trouble. Boy, I tell you, give White people an inch, they wanna take a mile! You know they like to take over, every neighborhood they move in….”

You get the idea.

Now, after a few weeks, we bring over some ribs, you reciprocate with a quiche … do know we gonna talk about your frickin’ quiche, don’t you? Never bring a quiche into a Black household. It will be talked about for years

“Hold on, baby, let me make you laugh! That White boy walked over here holdin’ a package, I thought he was carryin’ the lost books of the Bible, he was walkin’ so careful! He handed it over, so proud, and he say, “Open it,” so I had to unwrap it…open that bad boy up, I say, “What the heck is that?” Sheila hunched me with her elbow, an’ say, “Why, thank you!” like it was a twenny-piece from Popeye’s! When he left, I say, “Sheila, what the heck is that?” Sheila say, “It’s a quiche!” Haaaaaaa! ….oh man, my sides was hurtin’….”

Moral of the story: We don’t care what you do, just keep your quiche to yourself….





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